The DeShawn Snow Foundation

I can't write a book like K My Name Is Kendra without also providing a list of resources to which I can direct my young readers. There are many such organizations, I'm finding in my research, and some of them were founded by celebrities. The Joyful Heart Foundation (founded by Law & Order: SVU's Mariska Hargitay) is one of my favorites. There are many others that I'll be adding to the Resources section at the back of the book when it's published, but one that most recently caught my attention is the DeShawn Snow Foundation, which I learned about in an Essence.com article profiling the cast members of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Say what you like about the ladies (I only know what I read because I don't watch the show), but anyone who uses their celebrity status to provide a safe haven for troubled teenage girls of color deserves a round of applause for such efforts.

Excerpt: K My Name Is Kendra

Meisha gets quiet again for several moments, and then she finally gets around to asking about Uncle C.J., which I figured she would sooner or later.

“Has he been around lately?” she asks as she digs around in her purse. I get the feeling that she doesn’t really need anything in there. That she just really wants to hear about him, but she’s playing it off like it’s a casual question.

I don’t have too many memories from way back in the day, but I do remember clearly how tight Meisha and Uncle C.J. had been the summer before he was drafted out of college to play pro football. He lived in our basement back then, and he used to take her everywhere with him and buy her whatever she wanted. They laughed a lot together and always seemed to be sharing some private joke none of us ever got. She would pronounce his name seej and he started calling her babygirl. I remember wishing he would call me that.

“He doesn’t come into town much,” I say, trying to think of a way to change the subject because I don’t want to talk about my uncle right now. And I definitely don’t want to think about what happened the last time I saw him a few months ago.

He had come into town to do some pre-game interviews with the Redskins one Saturday and had stopped by the house unexpectedly early that morning to invite my father to go with him. Daddy was so excited that he didn’t even answer his brother, but he was upstairs and in the shower within seconds. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him move so fast in my life.

Mama was out grocery shopping that morning, Jada had spent the night at a slumber party, and Philip had gone to watch Aris coach the local high school track team, so it was just me and Uncle C.J. in the livingroom once Daddy went upstairs. He sat down on the couch beside me and started asking me how school was and what my favorite subjects were. He wanted to know if I had any hobbies and what I liked to do for fun. After I answered all his questions, he told me how much of a young lady I had become since he last saw me, which had to have been about three years ago, I think, because Mama always seemed to have something to do outside the house whenever he called to say he was in town and wanted to visit with us, and she always took me with her. Then he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him I didn’t―that Mama was not having that. He laughed and said that with a body like mine, Mama was right to keep boys from around me. Something about the way his eyes dropped to my chest and then down to my hips made me really uncomfortable. I was glad I could use the excuse that I had to get dressed to meet Nita. I got out of there quick and fast.

“But he does come around sometimes?” Meisha presses.

“Every now and then,” I say. I figure she must really miss him, so I promise to call her the next time he stops by.

She nods and then stares off into the distance like she’s lost in a memory, probably thinking about all the fun she used to have with Uncle C.J. I promise myself right then and there that I’ll never tell her about that day three months ago. Especially the part about him popping into my room a few moments after I had left him sitting downstairs on the couch. He had claimed that he’d come up to see what was taking my father so long, and that he’d made a wrong turn at the top of the stairs. But the way he looked me up and down as I stood in the middle of my room in my bra and panties told me he was no different than the boys Mama was trying to keep from coming around me. Then he had called me babygirl and asked me if I wanted to hang out with him some time. Stupid me said okay, because I just wanted him to leave.

He had stepped into the room instead, though, closing the door behind him softly as he mumbled something about giving me a hug, since it would probably be a while before we would actually see each other again. I remember trembling as he held me because it just didn’t feel right. He didn’t do any of the nasty things I’d heard boys at my school whisper about. But he did hold me too close for too long, and his hands moved over my bare skin in too many different directions for an uncle hugging his not-even-sixteen-year-old niece, especially when she’s not dressed in anything more than a bra and panties.

We both heard the shower in Daddy’s bathroom shut off down the hall, and that’s when Uncle C.J. pulled away. He gave me a soft kiss on the cheek, put his finger to his lips as if to tell me we had some secret to keep, and then he was gone.

I’m not sure why, but I cried for half an hour behind that. I never told anyone about it. And I wasn’t going to do it today, especially not to someone who loves him the way Meisha obviously still does. I can’t break her heart like that. If she wants to see her favorite uncle again, I will just have to put my personal feelings aside to make sure they get together to catch up on old times.

More than anything, I want to see Meisha laugh the way she used to with him.

end excerpt

The Book I Want to Self-Publish

The name of my next book--the most important book I know I'll ever write--is called K My Name Is Kendra. Written in the first-person voice of a 15-year old teen, it's the story of a young lady whose low self-esteem and depression leads to her becoming the victim of sexual abuse at the hands of a young uncle. The subject matter is tragic, but the message is ultimately an uplifting one.

So this is the book I want to self-publish. I've given up trying to get any sort of book deal. I don't mind self-publishing. I get to control everything, and I like that. But doing so costs a grip of money, as you can imagine. Why is why I keep trying different things to raise the money. Hopefully soon, something will hit!

Anyway, since my website is currently down (it's a luxury I can't currently afford), I've returned to blogging and will be posting excerpts from the book in the hopes that someone of note will take note and assist me in getting this book on shelves and me out on tour.

Enjoy the read. And feel free to drop comments here.

Mary J. Blige's New Site

I know, it's been a lonnnnnnnnnnnng time since I last posted. I've been very busy. And lazy about blogging. Okay, more lazy than busy.

Just wanted to log in for a quick moment to say that I have exciting news: I'm joining the Mary J. Blige and Steve Stoute Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now (FAWN) as a blogger! Among other things, I'll be posting about self-esteem, family, and personal growth. All the things I love to write and talk about.

I'm excited about this opportunity! I believe in their mission and I'm grateful to be a part of the organization in its infancy stage.

So stop by the site every now and then and drop a comment to me and/or the other bloggers there. We always appreciate constructive feedback.

Just the Boost I Needed...

I just had such an encouraging conversation with Libby Gill, the Life Coach/Author that Lifetime TV arranged for us to speak with regarding our Clean Start Challenge projects. She gave me lots of things to think about (some of which I may or may not share on-camera...nah nah nah nah nah nah) that will help me stay on my current path of health and wellness, weight loss and emotional well-being. We even briefly discussed the direction my writing is taking. The whole conversation reinforced many of the thoughts that had been swirling around in my head already. And she also offered up advice on other things I hadn't quite fleshed out yet or even thought about at all. Stimulating conversation! I'm feeling further empowered and am confident that it will translate into something very positive for me in relation to this makeover...

Meanwhile, visit her site for yourself to see what advice she may have for you!

Thanks For Watching the Show...Both of You!

Thanks for watching my little YouTube show! I know it's only a couple/few of you, but your words of encouragement make a sista smile. Oh, and sorry I haven't enabled comments yet at my channel. You know how people can be, and I just truly don't want to let any negativity into my space just now. Ever again, actually. You feel me.

Take care and I'll see you later. New video at Lifetimetv.com late Tuesday. Check it out.

Diggin' This Site: Joyful Heart Foundation

I learned of this site when I was doing research for the Resources section of my upcoming book, K My Name Is Kendra. I decided to include the section when I reached the halfway point in writing the book. After all, how can I tell the fictional story of Kendra and dedicate it to real-world sexual abuse victims but not include information on where these survivors can go to heal?

So the Joyful Heart Foundation is one of the several organizations you'll see listed in the back of the book as well as at my site. Its President and Founder is none other than actress Mariska Hargitay of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit fame, who started the non-profit in 2002 with the goal of helping "survivors of sexual assault heal their minds, bodies and spirits and reclaim their lives." As I suspected before even reading the rest of her statement, she was moved to do so after beginning her role on the show. Emails and letters from real-life survivors touched her, and from this was born Joyful Heart.

Take a few moments to visit the site for yourself, or pass the link along to someone who needs the healing.

D.C. Is Chasing the Dream!

Just pitched an idea to myvoicedc.com to write a column called "D.C. Is Chasing the Dream!". Won't post any details just yet, but it'll be interesting to see how it all turns out.

Keep you posted...

Note to Linda S.: Write On, Girl!

I chatted with a waitress/server named Linda this past weekend during my stay at the Hilton Garden Inn and Conference Center in Suffolk (lovely hotel, by the way...would most definitely stay there again...I'll take Room 508 again). I was eating breakfast alone and reading a Mary Higgins Clark mystery when the young woman approached to see if I needed anything. She must've asked what I was reading. Somehow, that lead to the subject of writing (as it almost always does with me). She excitedly admitted that she'd always had a desire to write a book.

You know me.

I encouraged her to get to it. I know nothing of her writing ability, of course, because I'd only just met her. But that was neither here nor there. The point was and is that she wants to write. There are stories running through her head. Stories she wants to share. Stories that can only be told the way Linda herself can tell them.

So, Linda, here's my note to you: write on, girl! No matter what people (including/especially family) may say or do to discourage you, don't let it kill your dream. You have a book in you? Put pen to paper and let the words flow.


P.S. I told you that you'd inspire me! I went upstairs to my room and wrote all day long. Your excitement became mine, and I owe you much appreciation.

Having Everything You're Ever Dreamed Of

Okay, so you know my Disability check is, like, $2 a month, right? Well, maybe a little bit more than that, but not much!

Anyway, the point is that this book by Amy DuBois Barnett is one I'm willing to scrape my little pennies together for. You've already seen my personal quote about dreams...well, this book fits hand-in-hand with that philosophy. I'm interested in seeing what she has to say and how it can help me reach my own goals.

You might want to do the same!

More Girl Power

The words on this t-shirt (another personal quote of mine) fit my mission of empowerment:

I walk tall...and it has nothing to do

with the height of my heels

You can pick yours up today at WordCanvas.com. And don't worry, it's available in various colors and styles (pink just shows up best here).

Think Pink When It Comes to Your Dreams

I've put my personal quote ("dreams only die when you let other people kill them") on a t-shirt! It's available for sale at WordCanvas.com. Stop by there today to cop yours for just $27.00.

Also available in Lemon, White and Light Blue

When Your Own Words Come Back to Kick Ya in the...Butt

I just rediscovered this blog of mine that I'd started sometime last year. Back then, I was certain I'd keep up with it everyday, but I lost interest in it very early on.

And then I somehow came across a post I'd written (just below) about letting out the artist in you. I realized as I re-read my own words that I haven't been living by them and I felt like I needed to re-post them to remind myself of why it is that I continue to struggle in my efforts to make this writing thing work: it is whom I am.

I am writing. Writing is me.

And every single time I try to push it to the side or walk away from it altogether, I feel a piece of myself fade. I feel choked in my spirit. But when I pick up my pen again and put it to paper, I breathe. In and out, in and out. And I am alive.

If only I could make a living at this. Catch the attention of the right (checking-writing decision-making) literary people.

Perhaps soon.

The Artist In You (Re-Posted)

People are going to laugh at you. People are going to criticize you (especially those who always talk about how they're gonna do this and they're gonna do that...but never follow through and envy you because you do). People may even hate on you and belittle your skills.

Don't let them discourage you.

I'm convinced that there are those who exist simply to tear you down. Their sole purpose in life seems to be to keep their foot on your neck so you can't get up. To chip away at your self-esteem because, deep down inside, they lack their own. Sad. But sadder? They don't even get it.

Do your thing.

Are you a writer? Then write! Do you sing? Then demonstrate your micness! Are you an artist? Then create beautiful things.

There will always be Haters. Shake them off and press on.

The Artist In You

People are going to laugh at you. People are going to criticize you (especially those who always talk about how they're gonna do this and they're gonna do that...but never follow through and envy you because you do). People may even hate on you and belittle your skills.

Don't let them discourage you.

I'm convinced that there are those who exist simply to tear you down. Their sole purpose in life seems to be to keep their foot on your neck so you can't get up. To chip away at your self-esteem because, deep down inside, they lack their own. Sad. But sadder? They don't even get it.

Do your thing.

Are you a writer? Then write! Do you sing? Then demonstrate your micness! Are you an artist? Then create beautiful things.

There will always be Haters. Shake them off and press on.